The Art of Seducing Zoo Animals
by ImmaGummyBear
Summary: A Mary-Sue in training is sent into the Death Note Universe by an evil troll to create a love triangle. Too bad her charms work on everyone but L... that stupid panda. Goffikness, Lady GaGa and CAPS LOCK are invading. Things just got f'd in the DN world.
1. Cows go MOO!

**A/N: This is my comic relief while I work on my original story for fictionpress. It'll be updated sporadically and possible turn your brain to mush! Can I get three cheers for mindless crack about Mary-Sue's, Trolls, Flames, Light, L and seduction of panda bears? No? How about one cheer? No? Damn.**

**DON'T TAKE OFFENCE TO ANYTHING I SAY, OKAY!**

**Seriously, don't go further if you have a stick up your ass.**

**You've been warned.**

**Chapter One...**

Every once in awhile inspiration hits you like a slap in the face. More often young writers find themselves slamming their inexperienced heads against their keyboards in lack of ideas. Bessie, a troll of only eleven years old who really shouldn't even be writing fan fiction yet, was doing just that as she sat at her old fashioned computer monitor in her unicorn themed room decorated with things of the bright pink and totally obnoxious variety. Much to her chagrin, slamming her head against the lettered keys did nothing but give her a large purple bruise on her abnormally large forehead.

It was way past her bed time of nine o' clock but she found herself having trouble sleeping. The young writer had finished her first story earlier that day and received over one hundred reviews! Sure, most of them were flames that depicted violent ways that the reader planned on murdering her with their bare hands or slitting her throat with a dagger but that wasn't the point. One hundred reviews was a lot! Bessie now felt like she had an unreachable standard that she had to live up to with her unique and totally unrealistic writing. No one really wanted her to live up to these standards since her writing made peoples eyes practically burn at its terribleness but that went unnoticed by the troll of a girl.

She needed to write something really awesome! She was going to prove all those stupid flamers wrong! How dare they call her wonderful original character a Mary-Sue! Ebony Sapphire Emeralds Potter Cullen a Sue? She had so much character depth! Ebony was the new exchange student at Hogwarts where Draco, Snape and all the other not as important male characters fell for her. She ultimately chooses Draco because he's every girls dream with his constant tears and petty insults! Then they go on an adventure and discover Ebony's super dark past and it turns out that she's Edward Cullen and Voldemort's child even though that's physically impossible and they don't belong in the same fantasy realm. She's also Harry's sister, Hermione's long lost twin, and is somehow distantly related to every other character in the whole entire series. In the dramatic closing chapter Voldemort tries to kill Draco for taking away his baby girl that he never really cared about until now but then Ebony jumps in front of the killing curse to save her beloved. So noble! So beautiful! So intelligent! What a great story!

But Harry Potter got boring. After awhile a world of magic with an endless supply of attractive guys loses its appeal. Bessie already incorporated Twilight into her Harry Potter fan fiction so that was out. She had no interest in Naruto because she quit watching it after the first episode. All other fandoms were totally stupid! Well, all except one...

Bessie scoffed at her foolishness. Yeah, like she would be able to pull off a good _Death Note _fan fiction! She was the best writer to ever walk the earth, not a miracle worker! She gained her unhealthy obsession with the famous anime over a year ago from watching it on her computer what her parents weren't home. It wasn't really an appropriate show for a girl her age with the controversial areas it touches on but it's not like that's ever stopped her before! She was very mature! Her pet unicorn who totally wasn't imaginary told her every night when it came and pooped rainbows in her cats litter box.

Bessie was totally in love with L Lawliet and read every fan fiction she could find about him. Well, every fan fiction that didn't involve slash. Slash was totally disgusting! Two boys together? Yucky! But she totally wasn't homophobic and that had nothing to do with the fact that she didn't know what that word meant.

The best writer of all time also had a secret obsession with Light. He was such a bad boy! Any man who can ruthlessly kill criminals and still look gorgeous doing it was okay in her book! It wasn't like she would tell anyone about it thought. One reason was no one she knew watched _Death Note _but the other reason was she was suppose to hate him. It was, like, a rule.

Bessie sighed as she pressed the glowing orange button thus turning off her computer monitor. If only she had the ability to write an L fiction or better yet she could write some sort of love triangle with her original character being romantically interested in both the bad guy and the good one. Such drama! Such romance! Such angst!

With a frown on her face Bessie switched off the lights, crawled into her bed and under the pink comforter and went to sleep.

_In a dream...~_

Bessie was alone in an empty room. She was sitting on a beige colored couch and blank white walls surrounded her like a cage. She felt claustrophobia begin to set in and was attacked with an onslaught of heavy breathing and sweating. Her mental breakdown was interrupted when the presence of a stunningly beautiful girl.

Long scarlet colored hair with rainbow highlights fell down her back in perfectly straight curls like a river of blood. Her bright eyes were a strange mixture of blue, purple, red, green, yellow and every other color known to man and several known only to monkeys. Her skin was pale like freshly fallen snow with not a single blemish or fault in sight. Adorning her incredibly curvy body that still remained as thin as a twig was a black tank top that revealed her pierced belly button and her butt was covered by acid wash booty shorts that were more like underwear than anything else. Her feet were bare revealing metallic painted toenails that looked freshly manicured, same as her nails that were filed to the perfect length.

"Hello," Her voice was calm and serene. If Bessie would write a fan fiction about this girl she would compare it to a whispering breeze or a flowing stream. Don't ask her how a voice could sound like either of those things because she wasn't sure. It just did. "My name is Cassandra Isabella Topaz Serenity Peace Hope Joyful Wind... but you can call me Cassie!"

Bessie snorted. "What a stupid name!"

Cassie's cool, peaceful demeanor was gone almost as quickly as it came. "Says the girl with a name that belongs to a fucking cow, MOO!"

Bessie's eyes began to water. "Y-You're so mean!"

"Grow a pair you little troll!" Cassie sneered. "I knew it was a bad idea to let him send me here..."

"Him? Who's him?" Bessie asked as she wiped the tears from her boring brown eyes. She felt a pang of envy at the girls beautiful multicolored eyes. It wasn't fair!

"My leader. You see, I am a Mary-Sue. Well, I'm a Mary-Sue in training. My boss leader guy sent me here because apparently I still have too much individuality to become an official Sue. When he get's uncooperative people like me he sends them to the best of the Mary-Sue authors in hopes that they'll mold us into acceptable Sues. It's very complex, I don't expect your tiny troll mind to understand."

"I am not a troll! I don't write Mary-Sue stories! My stories are great!" Bessie said furiously.

"Yeah, okay. Can someone spell denial? Oh, wait, your only eleven. Can you even spell denial? Your going to send your spell checker spiraling into depression because it's so constantly abused. Sound it out with me, honey. D-e-n-i-"

"Just shut up you slutty bitch!" Bessie screeched. Cassie blinked at the troll in surprise. Such language for such a young girl... what was the world coming to?

"... Do you even know what a slut is?" Silence. "Thought so." Cassie smirked.

"It doesn't matter! I know you are one!"

"This... This is true. It's not my fault though! You imagined me this way. Before I came here I was a frumpy blonde with hazel eyes and the body of a ten year old. You created me."

Bessie's nose wrinkled in disgust. "I would never imagine up an original character as ugly as you."

"Who are you calling ugly? Greasy brown hair, gigantic nose, squinty poop colored eyes..." Cassie smiled falsely. "You're gorgeous, honey. Don't ever change."

"Took you long enough to notice." Bessie sniffed prissily, twirling a knotty strand of hair with her sausage link fingers.

"Yeah, you're a real runway model, whatever. Let's cut to the chase! What fandom am I going to?" Cassie asked excitedly, jumping up and down like a teenager girl causing her abnormally large boobs to flail around.

"Can you please put your... humps away?" Bessie awkwardly asked.

"Hey, you imagined me without a bra on. Not my fault the girls weren't given any kind of containment." Cassie grabbed her boobs and smiled fondly down at them. "But that's not the point! Tell me that fandom I'm going to before I eat your face."

"No! Not my face!" Bessie shielded her pimply face and Cassie giggled. "You're going to the _Death Note _world. That okay with you?"

"Hmm... I guess that won't be so bad. Mello's sexy even if he looks kind of like a girl. Matt's a video game addict but he's probably easy enough to get along with. Even Near is totally adorable but if your paring me off with him you'll probably have to make me a little less bangable. I don't want to scare the poor kid." Cassie continued to ramble on about _Death Note _characters, every character except the one that she was going to be paired off with.

"An L fan fiction." Cassie's face dropped.

"L? Why L?" Cassie whined.

"How could you not love L? Isn't that, like, illegal?"

"Ugh, anyone but him!" Cassie begged. "He creeps me out, dude! I don't want to be forced into a relationship with a guy who has a freaky foot fetish and looks like a panda! How do you expect me to have sex with a panda? It would be like raping a zoo animal!"

"Rape? Oh! That's a dramatic plot line..."

"NO. Just don't, okay?" Cassie shuddered in fear. Her whole entire fictional life was being put in the hands of an obnoxious and pimply bitch of an eleven year old.

"Fine, don't get your panties in a twist."

Cassie winked, "I'm not wearing panties."

"EW!" Bessie shrieked, flailing her arms wildly.

"So, let's talk about this fan fiction. What's it about?" Cassie asked in interest. This Bessie chick was a very promising troll. There was nothing she couldn't come up with.

"Hmm... I don't know, something original."

"Do you even possess an original bone in your body?"

"Shut up, whore! I'll let you know that my completely _original _fan fiction received over one hundred reviews!"

"I read it sweetie, not that great."  
>"Did you review?"<p>

"Yeah, remember that really nasty one that said about jabbing out your eyes with scissors, ripping out all your hair, and slitting your throat at an agonizingly slow pace with a butter knife?" Cassie paused to smile proudly, "That was me."

Bessie frowned, "That gave me nightmares for weeks."

Insert totally mischievous Mary-Sue worthy giggle, "Oops."

"That's it! I'm so gonna have Kira kill you in my story!"

Cassie pretended to shudder, "Oh! I'm so scared! Who could ever possibly save me? Honey bear, I'm a Mary-Sue. I _always _come back. Maybe it will be as a Mary-Sue in a different fandom or a different story. The readers of fan fiction will never get rid of me. I'm like one of those monsters from a horror movie. I. Can't. Die." As these words left Cassie's mouth, Bessie shivered. She would make a very convincing serial killer. Maybe after her L fan fiction was over she could right another story about Cassie and Beyond Birthday, whoever he is.

"It'll be about you, a normal but incredibly intelligent and gorgeous yet misunderstood girl, getting sucked into the _Death Note _universe."

"Yeah, that's not over done at all."

Bessie ignored the bitchy Mary-Sue's comment and plowed on,"You'll be the center of a love triangle. Light will want to you to be the goddess of his new world, not that slutty Misa, and L will love you even more than sugar."

Cassie snorted very unattractively causing Bessie to wrinkle her nose in disgust, "Wow, you're just full of unique ideas, aren't you sweetie? There are so many plot holes and you haven't even started the fucking fan fiction yet! Light doesn't do love. He cares about nothing but himself and his new world. He doesn't even want a goddess. He just said that to Misa and Takada so they would do anything he asked them to do. Misa isn't a whore! I'm sick and tired of people saying that! She loved Light, that's all. Whores throw themselves at everyone that has a penis! Just because she dresses in her special Gothic way doesn't automatically make her a bad person! Lastly, L loves sugar! He probably masturbates to that shit! He loves absolutely nothing more then sugar! Mother fucker! This is why I hate you little trolls!"

Cassie was panting from her long rant as her chest rose and fell rapidly. Her fists were clenched at her sides, finger nails digging into the soft skin of her palms. Bessie was, once again, legitly frightened by her so called creation. It was almost like Frankenstein except she was hot. Weird.

"...Don't kill me."

Cassie laughed, "No promises, kitten."

"What's with you and the pet names?"

"Dunno. It's a gift." Cassie shrugged, her eyes twinkling happily.

"More like a curse..."

"Watch it, brace face! Would you prefer mean nicknames? I have a shit load of those as well!" Cassie boasted proudly.

Bessie pursed her chapped lips, "Nah, I think I'm good."

"Thought so. Now, let's get this story over with! You're wasting my valuable time!" Cassie shouted.

_Out of the dream...~_

Just as soon as Cassie appeared, she was gone. The dream faded away from Bessie and she was awoken from her sleep. Sticky beads of sweat clung to her forehead and she was gasping for air. Not caring about her current health or that she would be going to school in – she glanced at the clock – five hours, she scampered over to her desk. Her finger jabbed the glowing power button thus bringing her technological dinosaur to life. She cracked her knuckles, a grin taking up half of her face. She had a lot of writing to do.


	2. OMG! Justin Bieber has Lady Parts!

**A/N: Oh. My. Chesus. Eight reviews? That's A LOT for one badly proofread chapter of pure stupidness! I thought it would get, like, one. Plus, all the reviews were NICE. No flames. Not one. Ah! I squeal with joy every time I get one review... can you imagine me with eight reviews? I was happy dancing around my friggen house singing Taylor Swift. I hate Taylor Swift. It was a strange occurrence. Anyway, I'm gonna make like the unoriginal and respond to my reviews right here! This chapter may seemed rushed and sloppy... mostly because it is rushed and sloppy. I pinky swear it will get better once the Kira Case begins. Any grammar mistakes I blame on the pain medicine I am currently functioning on that makes the world all swirly! Yay swirly!**

kaiju3 – Thank you! I'll be sure to check that out because it'll probably make me laugh my butt off. Thanks for being my first reviewer! * dramatic sniffle * You now have a special place in my heart!

WhiteLadyDragon – Oh. My. Gaga. I feel like I'm talking to a celebrity! It's you! You wrote "Story of the Century." A long time ago, when you were about half way through your AMAZING story and my friend introduced me to fan fiction, I read your story! It was one of the first one's I ever read! Ah! You're a great author and possess one of the best OC's I've ever had the pleasure of reading. I totally loved Erin, she's like my hero. Anyway, I'm rambling about your awesomeness. Thank you so much for your awesome review! I'm very proud to have busted your gut no matter how violent that sounds. Thank you also for the compliments on Cassie. Originally I was planning on writing an LxOC fan fiction but then I decided it would be so much more fun to do a parody kind of thing. I looked through my last chapter and realized that you are very correct. I had some grammar/spelling mistakes that I was really embarrassed about because I looked over that chapter about five times. Oops. Anyway, I'm sorry once again for totally talking your ears off! Thanks for everything.(:

Miss Bright – I know! Me too! Most of the grammar and actual substance of a lot of parodies kind of suck so I'm going to try and work hard when I'm proofreading. I kind of failed at that last chapter since I found like a dozen mistakes even though I proofread it a bunch of times! Thanks for the compliments on Cassie! I tried to make her super... bitchy as one of her quirks to show that she's still training to be the perfect Sue. Thanks so much for your kindness!

LittleRyanne – Aw, you feel bad for Bessie! Honestly, I was hoping someone would say that. It was kind of my intention for some people to feel bad for her. Believe me when I say that this will definitely not be Bessie's only appearance throughout the story. That button would make our problems a whole lot easier... but then my fan fiction wouldn't exsist. * Tear *. Thanks for the review!

Amour en Rayures – Oh my gosh, your awesome! I feel so honored to have someone check my profile! I do that all the time to other writers but I never thought someone would actually check out my other stories. You ROCK. Thanks for the positive reviews on both my stories and complimenting the title! I completely suck at making up titles, this is the only one I've ever actually liked. Thanks again!

alexandra101 – Thank you! I'm glad that you think my writings cool. Usually I'm very negative on my own work but these reviews are giving me more confidence.

2lazy2login – Oh My Kira? Man, that's beast! Respect. I'm glad I made you laugh and that you want me to continue! It looks like that's going to happen! Thanks for the awesome feedback!

Diesle – You think I'm funny? Yes! Mission complete! Oh, I love it when people get annoyed at me for laughing at something on the computer. I'm always like "Sucker, you'll never know!" and then my mom tries to wrestle the computer from me... Anyway, thanks for the review and the support!(:

How do authors do that EVERY chapter? I have to admit though, it was kinda fun. Love you guys more then L loves cake! Well, maybe not that much, but you get the point, right? Read on!

**Chapter Two...**

"Oh, how is this possible? How could I, such an unattractive and normal girl, get sucked into the fictional world of _Death Note_? I need to get back to where I belong! First, however, I must save L!" The words left the mouth of Cassie in a bored tone laced with fake enthusiasm. She lounged on a park bench in the middle of Tokyo as she aimlessly twirled a lock of her eccentric scarlet hair. She honestly could care less about the words she was saying and had little to no interest in saving L. That panda bear could rot in a fucking cage and it wouldn't matter one bit to her.

Oh, that's a good idea. She could take him on a trip to the zoo and he could 'accidentally' end up in the panda exhibit. Eh, he'd be okay. Those bamboo eating beasts would adopt him as one of their own.

Suddenly the whole world around Cassie seemed to freeze completely. The girls rainbow colored eyes – that she should probably get checked out by a optometrist – widened in slight disbelief though her lounging posture stayed the same. 2012 could come early and she'd probably stay right there on that incredibly uncomfortable wooden bench.

"Well, this is unsettling." Cassie whispered as her eyes inspected her still surroundings. The men walking down the street who had been previously gawking at her breasts now stood frozen in spot, rivers of drool suspended in the air like icicles.

_"What are you doing, Cassandra? This is not how any respectable unattractive and normal girl acts! Are you trying to ruin my wonderful story?"_

Cassie clutched her head in fear and brought her knees to her chest. She began to rock back and forth in a fetal position. "It's the voices! Make them stop!"

_"Oh shut up! Stop being such a fucking drama queen and get to work! I'm not paying you to rest on a park bench!" _The annoying, nasally, nightmare educing voice of Bessie scolded.

Cassie scowled down at the pavement beneath her, "You don't pay me at all!"

_"Well... YOUR FACE!"_

"Great come back. I'm shaking in fear." Cassie mocked before pausing, an eyebrow cocking in question, "How are you doing this anyway?"

_"Doing what?"_

"Communicating with me telepathically."

_ "... In English please?"_

Cassie snorted a laugh, "How you speaky with me inside head?"

_"Oh," _Bessie laughed quietly. Cassie decided that the sound wasn't exactly unpleasant. Talking to Bessie wasn't that terrible either, not that she would ever admit that. Maybe she'd been a little harsh on her little troll friend. _"I don't know. Magic? Destiny? Maybe I have really cool super powers! You better do what I say, bitch, cuz I can kick your butt!"_

The moment of guilt was gone. This troll was going to be the death of her. "Okay Wonder Woman, what's the plan?"

_"What plan?"_

"You're such a freaking fucktard!" Cassie groaned as she ran a hand through her fiery hair with an annoyed look on her incredibly drop dead gorgeous, sexy, beautiful, fantastic face. This troll bitch must have ADD or something. "The plan to meet L, idiot! How am I going to meet L?"

_"Oh! That!" _Cassie rolled her eyes. _"I dunno."_

"You... 'dunno'?" Cassie questioned in a deadly tone. She needed to punch something. Angrily standing up from her special bench she stalked over to a particularly ugly man – still frozen in time – and decked him across the face. Sighing in content as his lifeless shell of a body fell to the ground she turned back around and sat gracefully back down on her ass. "I have a few ideas."

_"I'm listening."_

"Well, in a lot of these fan fictions I've read, L seems to enjoy visiting random bakeries." Cassie stated.

_"So?"_

"So, you stupid moron, I could go get a job at some bakery and pray like hell that he shows up." Cassie explained slowly as if she was talking to a generally confused toddler.

_"Oh, well, that works."_

Cassie sighed, rubbing her temples tiredly, "I don't even see why you're making me do this. It's a lost cause. It's so totally obvious that Light and L are doing it up butt every night when the task force leaves. Personally, I think they make an absolutely adorable couple. It's like Justin Bieber fucking a panda bear."

Bessie gave a shrill cry inside Cassie's head, _"Just because Light's last name happens to be 'I'm a gay' spelled backwards doesn't mean he actually is gay! It's just an inconvenient placement of letters."_

"Yeah, I guess your right," Cassie admitted with a shrug of her shoulders, "I think I'm more into Misa and L anyway. It's like a goth Marilyn Monroe fucking a panda. I like Marilyn Monroe more then the Biebz. His hair freaks me out."

Cassie could practically feel Bessie's angry glare. Oh great, her troll was a Belieber. Just great. _"Don't mock my husband... or his hair!"_

"I guess your not expecting to have any children."

_"Huh?"_

"Your husband has a vagina!" Cassie shouted.

_ "... fuck you."_

"No thanks, I've had better offers."

Bessie gave a long, angered sigh. _"I'm going to go now and I'm guessing that will unfreeze time. Try not to screw up my story, okay?"_

"WAIT!"

_"What?"_

"I had an affair with Tiger Woods!"

_"...Goodbye..." _Cassie didn't feel or see any sign that Bessie was no longer in her head but assumed the troll had left. As promised, the world seemed to unfreeze and carry on with their gawking of the sarcastic Mary-Sue's gorgeous bod. Tugging on the tight top that exposed her flat stomach, Cassie silently hoped that Pimple Cow Face didn't plan on making her dress like a whore the whole entire story. She wished she had a jacket because Tokyo was pretty cold about now as it was reaching the hours of evening.

The only thing that kept Cassie's mind off the cold air biting at all her exposed skin was the amusement she got watching that man she had earlier punched getting trampled on by the uncaring Japanese citizens. Watching perverts get hurt was _fun._

* * *

><p>Waking up in an abandoned alleyway in the middle of a foreign country was less then reassuring. Despite Cassie's ability to wake up looking like a fucking goddess after the terribly primitive night she had feasting on rat meat and wearing the same clothes she wore for the past three days, she still felt like a turd. Somehow after drinking the blood of street animals and not brushing her teeth she retained minty fresh breath. Her clothes looked fresh and new despite rolling around in the dirt last night while trying to sleep. Her hair still looked perfectly ginger but the once rainbow streaks were now an EBONY black. Did she forget to mention they changed with her mood?<p>

Cassie's stomach gave a frightening growl similar to that of a bloodthirsty tiger. That sound was certainly _not _attractive. The curvy yet thin girl frowned down at her flat stomach wondering what she could eat. There was no fucking chance that she was eating rats again. She didn't like using the pretty girl card but someone as beautiful as her shouldn't be reduced to eating rodents. No one at all should have to eat rodents even if they did taste strangely similar to chicken.

Long story short about the previous night, Cassie stumbled around the streets of Tokyo, possibly exchanged sexual favors for some pills that she may or may not have needed which ended in her over dosing thus causing her to do some pretty freaky things such as drinking the blood of some rats and probably a feline or two and finally she landed herself in the middle of an alleyway where she probably got raped up the ass by a hobo. It wasn't something she was proud of nor did she plan on bringing it up or even thinking about it ever again.

The many bakeries conveniently placed around Tokyo were all probably open now. Most of the shop owners would probably hire her in the spot with one look at her face or her larger then life boobs. If worst came to worst she could make a _deal _with the boss, gender wasn't a problem. That drug dealer may have been a feminine man or a manly woman with a surgically provided... you know.

Once again her stomach grumbled urging her to get off of her perfect ass and get her perfect body over to some bakery. She didn't want just any bakery, she wanted one with homemade cakes and strawberry pastries. She liked strawberries almost as much as she liked blackberries. Blackberries were her reason for living in all their sourly sweet goodness. They always stained her lips and got stuck in her teeth. Even Mary-Sues are vulnerable to those pesky berry seeds that get stuck between everyone teeth and don't come out without diligent flossing. She liked all fruits though such as blueberries, oranges, peaches kiwis and the occasional tomato. Yeah, a tomato is a fruit. Look it up.

Cassie stumbled out of the alleyway and hissed in pain as the bright rays of mocking sunshine burned her eyes. Everyone seemed so damn cheery and it almost made her vomit. Damn those peppy Japanese bitches!

Unsurprisingly, Cassie walked only a block and had already passed three bakeries and a strip club. She wasn't necessarily looking for a strip club, but she filed it away for later anyway. It would be a great way to distress her because she had no doubt that L would certainly manage to get on her last nerve. Stupid panda...

Even though everything around her was in Japanese she understood everything perfectly. It seems that every time a girl gets sucked into the Death Note universe she learns the whole entire complex language used in Japan as well. It was nifty, indeed. She'd been planning to go to the nearest book store and seeing if they had "_Japanese for Dummies." _A long with some manga books to keep her occupied while everyone worked on that boring old Kira case. She needed to read the latest installment of "_Vampire Knight" _or she'd explode. Her old, beat up copies of _"Yu-Gi-Oh!"_ could only keep her going for so long. She wished she had her copies of _"Death Note" _so she could slip it into L's room at night. If only...

That's when it came into view. It was the perfect bakery. She won't bother describing it in full detail because that would take way to much effort and she was still way too fucking tired to be descriptive. All you need to know is the place was big. Big and incredibly pink. A menu board outside advertised their special for today, strawberry shortcake. L loved everything that included strawberries! Or at least all the fan fictions said he did.

With a shrug of her shoulders Cassie began her journey across the street towards what would soon be her new place of servitude. But, Cassie made a big mistake. Cassie... didn't look both ways before crossing the street.

She got hit by a car and died.

… JUST KIDDING!

But, really, Cassie did get hit by a car. A car that was most definitely held an incompetent driver who didn't know the speed limit because there is no fucking way getting hit by a car going only twenty miles per hour could hurt that much. It felt like she was hit by a five ton bolder. Didn't that stupid driver of that stupid car know that it's totally stupid to run over pretty girls? God, this was all so... can you guess the word? Unfortunate. Ha ha, you probably thought I was going to say stupid! Stupid!

The car stopped and a man exited from the drivers seat. Now, wouldn't it be super cliché if this man happened to be either Light, Matsuda, Watari, or even L himself? Dammit, it would be cliché even if it was either Mogi or Aizawa! But no, it wasn't any of those charecters.

It was fucking Ukita.

It took Cassie a second to even realize who it was. At first she thought he was just some unimportant nobody which if you think about it is still kind of true. This dude dies after having, like, two lines maybe? He's probably the most unappreciated cop out there and he just hit a hot chick with his car. This is why she hates minor characters! Silently, she curses both Ukita for his all around suckishness and herself for being such a douche.

Suddenly, Cassandra's world turns to black and she passes out dramatically leaving herself in the completely incapable arms of stupid, useless Ukita.

**Ukita will play a big role in this story because I feel he deserves at least a little bit of love! I declare tomorrow national hug Ukita day because he probably never gets laid! Anyway, I'm going to the beach soon so Chapter 3 might not be up till late June... sorry! Or it might be up the day before I go which is Saturday. It depends if I kick my butt into gear.**

**Before I leave I have a question that I want you to answer if you feel like it because I'm genuinely curious, does anyone else utterly despise the word EBONY? Just typing it sends me into a rage. RAWR GRR! Can I get a 'word'?**

**Later hunz!(:**


	3. THE CAPS LOCK CHAPTER!

**A/N: Aw, I love you guys more then Paris Hilton loves shoving her finger down her throat! Haha, sorry, I just suffered through Hilton's new television show... I'm afraid my brain will never be the same again. **

**So, thanks to the awesome "Amour en Rayures" I now know about private messaging. Yes, I'm that much of a noob that I didn't know what private messaging was. Jeez, I'm slow. Anyway, I'll be responding through PM's now so I don't take up like half the chapter responding to individual reviews! So, thanks again awesome one! She also brought it to my attention that Ukita should have just the same number of fan girls as Matt since they had about the same number of lines even though Matt is ten times as smexy.(;**

**Yeah, I really have no excuse for the amount of time it took me to post this. I had so much down time at the beach that I could have used to write and when I got home I didn't even think about my story, I preferred to sleep. **

**Disclaimer: I finally remembered to do this! So I don't own Death Note, Matt, Ukita, Lady GaGa, Cheeseburgers, Sims, Caps Lock or anything else that you recognize in this chapter of my story, mkay?(;**

**Chapter 3...**

Ukita may or may not be the kindest yet weirdest minor character to ever exist in any fandom out there. When Cassandra woke up in a cocoon of sheets and blankets upon a soft mattress she was quite confused at first, jolting upwards and looking around wildly. At one point she got so flustered that she ended up falling off the bed and landing right on her face. That was going to leave a very unattractive bruise.

Finally when Cassie remembered the past days events that ended in her dramatic fainting scene she didn't bother trying to wiggle out of her cocoon anymore. It was rather warm and if she was in no danger she had no reason to move from such a cozy shelter.

Then, once again, Cassie's stomach rumbled ferociously. Damn, she had to stop making that unattractive sound!

"UKITA!" Silence. "OI, UKITA, RESPOND!" Damn, why wasn't that useless fucktard responding? She was getting really pissed off and getting pissed off also wasn't attractive. Dammit, she was losing the only useful characteristic she had! Mother fucker! "UKITA IF YOU DON'T GET THE FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK IN HERE I'LL RIP OFF YOUR BALLS, SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT AND MAKE YOU CHOKE! I'LL MAKE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR MALE SEX ORGANS YOU MOTHER FUCKER!"

Cassie whimpered, snuggling further into her cocoon with her mouth forming a very attractive pout. "Dammit, I'm so hungry!" she whined.

Suddenly, Cassie got an idea. Then she got an idea. An awful idea. Cassandra got a wonderful, **awful **idea! Oh, screw that shit! She ain't no green christmas hater that lies to children and abuses that poor little puppy! That dude was a _sick _bastard. Anyway, back to the idea.

So, since Cassie is a Sue she's unaffected by the laws of physchics? Basic rules of humanity do not apply to Sues, right? So, if she wanted to, she could use magic, right? Well, she was trying it so suck it!

At risk of looking like a fool in front of anyone, (Yes, even Ukita) she maneuvered around trying to see if anyone was in the other room that made up her new roommates tiny apartment. She didn't see any sign of human life so decided that she could mumble magical jumbo without any embarrassment to herself.

"So, um, alakasam, oogity boo, la la la, bammity bam... uh... open sesame... OH JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING CHEESEBURGER!" Cassie shouted. All of the sudden the king of fatty goodness appeared in her hands decked out with the works. It was like the pimp of all burgers, probably had a whole league of little french fries whores just throwing themselves at it. Naughty little meat patty...

At risk of having an orgasm just looking at that thing she took an epic bite. About one minute later the burger was being digested by her poisonous stomach acids. Ah, the wonders of fast food will always be truly amazing.

"Oh my gaga, I'm magic! I have amazing abilities! I can defeat voldemort!" Cassie's face scrunched up in dislike. "Nah, I can do much better things with my time! I can play video games and magically receive all the cheat codes! Cheat codes aren't cheating, their using your resources..."

Suddenly, the apartment door was thrown open and an attractive geek in goggles with a striped shirt and vest that somehow made him look totally fuckable instead of a punchable loser. It was Britney Spears. Ha ha, just kidding, you totally know who it is.

"Did someone say Mail Jeevas?" The geek asked dramatically, winking.

"Uh, no actually, I said video games."

"Well, I just legally changed my name to Video Games." Matt explained, grinning stupidly.

Cassie raised a skeptical eyebrow, "Seriously?"

"No, do I look that much of a douche nozzle?" The ginger scoffed.

Cassandra glanced downwards thus avoiding his eyes before deciding that she was a Mary-Sue so she could totally insult him and he'd love her anyway so it was okay to do so. "Yes. You spend all your time playing video games, follow a transsexual around like a lost puppy and had, like, two minutes of screen time."

"Screen time?"

Cassandra freaked, "Uh, FORGET YOUR MEMORIES, MORTAL DWEEB!"

And Matt forgot his memories thanks to her super magical powers. Silently Cassandra thanked her epic abilities of pure epicness.

"Okay, is it just me or did you just suddenly forget the last ten seconds of your life?"

"Yeah... weird, right?" Cassandra's eyebrows suddenly furrowed in confusion. "Dude, why are you ginger? You're not ginger."

Matt grabbed a lock of scarlet hair and frowned. "Not sure actually. All these years I thought I was a brunette and then all the sudden I woke up with red hair. Freaking weird, dude."

"Totally."

"So, did you say something about video games?"

"Oh, yeah!" Cassie grinned, "I forgot... MAGICAL POWERS BESTOW ONTO ME ALL GAMING SYSTEMS AND THE WONDERFUL PIXULATED GAMES SUCH AS_ HALO, MODERN WARFARE, MARIO, ZELDA _AND_ POKEMON_!"

"Don't forget _Sims_."

"OH, AND _SIMS_!"

"Why are you speaking in caps lock? SHOULD I DO IT TO?" Matt suddenly shouted.

"Nah, I only speak in caps lock when I'm performing one of my magical spells."

Cassie was about to say another memory wiping screaming spell thing but Matt cut her off. "Oh, that's pretty cool. You're like Hermione Granger," Casandra gave him a look. She would not be compared to a flat chested, frizzy haired know it all with buck teeth. She liked her so much more in the fan fictions when her hair was magically straightened and she took some magic potions to become boobilicious. Matt second guessed himself. "Nevermind. you're a fellow ging, you're hot and you're wearing slut clothes. You're Ginny Weasley!"

Cassie giggled. "True that!"

"I know right? Anyway, what game are we playing first, babe?"

"I did not give you permission to call me babe and if you do it again your kiwis will be removed and flushed down the toilet."

"Wow, fiesty. I like it."

"Damn, you are as hormonal as all the fan fictions make you out to be! How bout you keep those baby hands of yours to yourself and I kick your ass at anyone of these video games."

Matt bellowed with laughter, bending forward and clutching his side. Cassie scowled. "Oh Zelda! you think you're good enough to beat me? I guess it's true!"

"What's true?"

"That all the hot chicks are stupid."

"Asshole!"

"Whore." Matt shot back, smirking.

"Douche!" Cassie was quickly getting pissed off.

"Slut."

"Fucktard!"

"Bitch."

"At least I don't fuck transexuals who are probably really mean in bed! Like, seriously, do you have bruises? Does he hold a gun to your head while you suck him off?"

"At least I don't go around showing off my tits!"

"You don't have tits!"

"Well, if I did I wouldn't show them off!" Matt said, patting the area where his boobs would be in a strangely fond way. It was kinda creepy.

"You're so insufferable!" Cassandra shouted reaching up on the bed to grab a pillow and chucking it at Matt's face.

The room was silent for a moment as Matt shoved his hands in his pockets and Cassie fumed. "So... you wanna make out?"

"NO! How old are you, ten?"

"Bitch! I'm fifteen!" Matt shouted, offended.

"Well, you are kind of cute." Cassandra flirted dramatically, obviously kidding.

"Really?" Matt was practically beaming. What a dumb ass genius! If this is how all the kids at Wammy's are then L better live forever or the world is in deep shit.

"Pick a video game before I punch you in the face."

"Uh... _Mario Smash Brothers?"_

* * *

><p>It was nearly midnight when Ukita arrived back at his apartment to find two teenagers knocked out on his couch with pizza crust, cheeseburger wrappers and empty beer bottles littering the floor. He really needed to stop running over hot chicks with his car because they only lead to trouble and a dirty apartment! Now he had to clean all this shit up!<p>

Ukita begrudgingly set to work at cleaning up the mess when his nearly silent actions woke up the hot chick that he impaled with the front of his truck.

"Dude..." The girl slurred, rubbing her temples in agony, "Couldyou_please_shutthefuckup?" All her words were jumbled and hard to understand.

Ukita stared silently.

"Like, I know this is your apartment and all, but we are tryin to fucking sleep, you know?"

Ukita stared silently.

"And you're bargin in here at like midnight or whatever and making _so much fucking noise._"

Ukita danced to Shakira's _Hips Don't Lie _but then continued to stare silently. It went unnoticed to the hot chick who he totally nailed... with his truck.

"Seriously, U-U- whatever the fuck your name is! Where were you? Like I was worried about you, man! You're my bestest friend!"

Ukita stared silently. Realization dawned on the girls face. She may be stupid, but she wasn't dumb.

"You can't speak, can you?"

He was mute. Ukita was mute. It was one of those dramatic moments where Cassie should have comforted Ukita about his serious problem but instead started to laugh her ass off.

"Oh! That's priceless! Your voice box dried out and died from lack of use! Oh gaga! I can't breathe!" Cassie fell off the couch and continued to laugh.

Ukita scowled silently.

Matt slowly woke up and groaned, "Dude, I think I might be hungover,"

Ukita stared at the undeniably attractive nerd lying on his couch. He did not hit him with his truck. "This is my friend Mail Jee- OH SHIT. His names Matt."

"NO NEED TO SHOUT IN CAPS LOCK, BITCH! I GOT A FUCKING HEADACHE!"

"I WOULDN'T NEED TO SHOUT IN CAPS LOCK IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A DUMBASS!"

"I'M NOT A DUMBASS YOU FUCKING SLUT! I'M A GEE-KNI-US AT WAMMY HOUSE TRAINING TO BE A SUCCESSOR FOR L-"

Cassie slapped her hand over Matt's mouth. Ukita was confused. Silently confused, that is.

"What my obnoxious, stupid, idiot, fucktard of a ginger friend is trying to explain is that he is an orphan. You know, like Annie and shit? Yeah, he sings and has a dog named Sandy. Anyway, he's working to be the successor for..." Cassie paused as she tried to brainstorm a famous person who started with the letter L. "...Lady GaGa?"

Matt squeaked in fear beneath her hand while Ukita's eyes silently widened. Cassie resisted the urge to giggle.

"Yeah, Matt just loves his Mother Monster." Matt made a sound of protest, "It's his dream to be plucked from his orphanage to follow in the footsteps of GaGa. His favorite song is _Boys Boys Boys. _He sings it in the shower. He also owns a bra that shoots sparks and randomly breaks out into lyrics of songs by his leader." Cassie explained in detail.

Matt finally had enough to placed a firm, wet lick on Cassie's hand. The Mary-Sue yelped in surprise and pulled her hand away to furiously wipe it on Ukita's pant leg.

"MATT! THAT IS FUCKING DISGUSTING! NOW YOU GOT YOUR GERMS ALL OVER UKITA'S PANTS! HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES UKITA FEEL, MATT? HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES HIM FEEL?" Cassie screamed.

"WILL YOU STOP TALKING IN MOTHER FUCKING CAPS LOCK? IT'S HURTING MY EYES AND THE EYES OF OUR WONDERFUL READERS!"

Ukita realized (silently) that he was utterly screwed.

**I don't know why but I actually really like this chapter. I laughed while I proofread it so it might not be the best in that perspective. Anyway, I hope it made you guys like it, because that's all that matters. Other then breathing and eating and stuff, that shit matters too.**

**Random question of the week time.(;**

**Maybe this will become a tradition!**

**So, do you think that Matt and Mello are totally doing it up the butt or are you on team Mello and Near? Or maybe you're one of those rare Matt and Near supporters? Or maybe you think they are all heterosexual. (OH JEEZ, I CAN'T BREATH, I'M LAUGHING SO FREAKING HARD. Mello... straight? Are you crazy? Just my opinion...) What's your opinion on the Wammy ****Boys?(:  
><strong>

**Kira Case soon, adios lovely readers!~**


	4. Light is SO goffik!

**Disclaimer : I don't own Death Note!**

**Chapter Four...**

Things for our heroine and her two unlikely companions were going swimmingly. The past few weeks of Cassandra's life seemed to go by in a fun blur of epic enjoyment. Playing video games and exchanging witty banter with Matt was better then she could have ever expected. That kid really did deserve more screen time since he was all kinds of awesome. She even managed to find a way to help Ukita speak by giving him a whiteboard, washable marker and a box of tissues. He apologized for hitting her with his truck and since Cassie was such a nice girl she excepted without holding a grudge. She didn't hold a grudge at all. She definitely wasn't planning on repeatedly slapping him with a fish in his sleep. Definitely not.

Then one day something really weird happened. No, not weird like a boy with long hair wearing tight leather pants who ends up getting really offended when someone calls him a chick. Not even weird like L who has never gotten laid at the age of whatever and probably touches himself to thoughts of strawberry shortcake. A lot of Death Note characters get sexual pleasure from odd things. Ryuk gets mad horny when he's eating an apple and Light has an orgasm every single time he writes a name in the Death Note.

But that's not the point no matter how fucked up all that shit is.

The three best friends ( Who had taken to calling themselves the Golden Trio ) were just sitting on the couch, chowing down on a breakfast of cereal in a bowl of stale booze. They were out of milk and Cassie was too lazy to conjure some up because that would take effort. Suddenly, the weird thing happened.

Cassie looked up from her oddly delicious breakfast with wide rainbow eyes as the streaks in her hair turned a fearful blood red. Since the Golden Trio already had such a totally awesome bond of unbreakable friendship they all knew that something was definitely wrong.

"I feel a great disturbance in the force..."

_~At To-Oh University for Rich and Evil Teens Full of Angst_

"OMGZZZZ!111111" Light shouted as his eyes fell on the oddly foreboding black notebook that had just randomly fallen out of the sky. Now, Light's seen some pretty fucked up things fall from the sky. He's seen a plane fall out of the sky, Ryan Seacrest fall out of the sky and he's even seen the sky... fall out of the sky. Still, he's never seen a notebook fall out of the sky! That's just wicked cool!

Light got up from his seat and flipped his deep _ebony _colored hair out of his face revealing his soulful blue eyes the color of LIMPID TEARS.

Everyone who was still reading Bessie's terrible, shitty excuse for a fan fiction gasped. Light... was totally out of character!

"Wellzz, peacee out u mutha' fuckas!1" Light said as he stood up from his chair. He was just walking out of class because he was THAT badass. It turns out that this Light was such a gee-kni-us that he didn't even need to be in school because he already knew everything in the entire universe. Beat that!

Light walked over to the notebook that had fallen quite dramatically from the sky. He picked it up.

This is the moment where our fucked up story truly begins, people! This is the moment that the reign of Kira is set in motion! Can't you hear that dramatic music playing? THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT!

Suddenly Ryuk appeared out of thin air. He stared at this new, totally goffik version of Light and resisted the urge to just snatch up the Death Note and go back to the fucking Death God Realm. Bessie is too lazy to look up how you spell **shinigami** so Ryuk and his magical realm will probably forever be referred to as the Death God Realm from now on. Get use to it.

"...Apples?"

"Ahh, hellz nah betch! U r such a fuckin prepz1 U beh needen some clothzz from HAWT TOPIC!"

"Uh... apples?"

"APPLEZZ? Is thatt all u eva think bout? Whatta bout meh NEEDS?"

Ryuk would certainly not be grinning if his face wasn't permanently stuck like that. This Light imposter was making him pissed off and had yet to meet his apple loving needs. So, while Light had an emotional breakdown about how his daddy and mother never truly loved him, Ryuk flew far away to get himself some mother fucking apples. Believe it, betch.

_~Back at Ukita's aparment, a few weeks or hours or months or days later._

"This Kira guy is really starting to piss me off!" Matt declared angrily one morning as he tossed the daily newspaper onto the breakfast table. An incident involving Kira had made the front page yet again, a picture of that Lind L. Tailor guy a long with a long, detailed article on L's stunt last night. L was foolish. Why would you edge on a murderous psychopath just to make sure that some of your facts were solid? Sure, L didn't get hurt but if the circumstances were different he could have been! That man needed to learn to value his life. Cassie would pay anything to have a life where she wasn't controlled by an evil troll...

"That's funny..." Cassandra stated blandly.

Matt stared at his friend incredulously, "What's funny? That Kira is killing thousands of people? That even L probably won't be able to capture him?"

Cassie looked up at her fellow ginger, eyes twinkling with mirth, "No, I just didn't know you could read."

Matt punched Cassie on the arm eliciting a soft yelp of pain. The girl rubbed her arm where there would surely be a bruise in a matter of hours. "Dammit, Matt! I'm gonna look like I'm fucking abused if you keep slapping me around!"

"Sorry, you're just so much fun to beat up."

"This is why the only girl you can get is a transexual, Matt." Cassie explained as she savagely chowed down on her greasy bacon rinds. The Golden Trio was once again having breakfast together, it was like a tradition now. Every single day they would all eat together before Ukita went to work. He told them nothing except that he was working for the police force. She'd let him keep thinking she was ignorant for a little while longer but soon she would get him to admit that he was working on the Kira Case with L, make him take both her and Matt there, get that weird detective to fall in love with her, bang the panda, make sure he doesn't die and then get the fuck out of this shitty fan fiction.

Damn, this was going to take awhile.

"Shut the fuck up about Mels." Matt snapped, using the nickname that all fan fiction writers seemed to think he called Mello. It was never established but who really cares about canon? Ukita being mute was never established but it's definitely a solid fact. "Anyway, at least I get some and I don't need to show off my tits to get it!"

Cassie groaned, "For the last fucking time dude, you don't have any tits! Stop being jealous of my gorgeous breasts because you will never have them without the help of a plastic surgeon. Either call a doctor or build a bridge and then CROSS THE FUCKING BRIDGE."

"... Isn't the expression build and bridge and get over it?" Matt questioned.

Cassie chucked a piece of bacon at him and all the grease ended up in his eyes. After about ten minutes of intense whining and complaining about the pain he was in, Matt and Cassie finally began discussing a new topic that hopefully wouldn't end up blinding the poor ginger boy anymore then he already was.

"So, why don't you like Kira?" Cassandra questioned.

"Because some random dude shouldn't be the one to pass judgment on us. He isn't God."

"That's not an overdone plot point at all," Cassie scoffed, "What do you think Ukita?"

Ukita jumped in surprise. He had just assumed the author forgot about him since it seemed like he didn't exist at all in the last few paragraphs. He pulled out his whiteboard and marker from thin air and began to write his response.

**I think Kira is stupid.**

"That's it? No other opinions?"

Ukita wrote more.

**I also think that Kira is smelly. He's stupid and smelly.**

Matt sighed, rubbing his temples in annoyance. "Dude, this is why no one talks to you!"

Ukita frowned (silently, duh) and probably wouldn't be acknowledged for the rest of the day. Silly Ukita.

"So," Matt continued as if nothing had happened, "What do you think of Kira, Cassie?"

"I support Kira. I think the world needs to be rid of criminal scum."

Suddenly, time stopped completely. Then time re-winded back only a few seconds. Cassandra's eyes widened in surprise. Someone was meddling with time and that could mean only one thing...

"What do you think of Kira, Cassie?"

"I support Kira. I think the world needs to be rid of criminal scum." Cassandra answered once again.

Time re-winded again. Again and again and again. It looked like Bessie was going to make her do this until she got it right. Fuck that!

"What do you think of Kira, Cassie?"

"I think that Kira is such a sexy beast!" Cassandra shouted. Matt stared. "I want to fuck Kira. I want to fuck Kira _up the ass. _Yeah, I'm totally going to have some major doggie style buttsex with Kira! I dream of that murdering lunatic raping me up the Gluteus Maximus! Yeah, I know the scientific word for ass! Whataya think about that, Mail Jeevas? WHAT DO YOU FUCKING THINK ABOUT THAT YOU FUCKITY FUCKTARD!"

Time stopped again and Cassie groaned as she waited for Bessie to once again send her back so she could correctly answer Matt's simple question. Apparently Sue's were not allowed to either agree with Kira or want to have major anal with him. Oh well.

Time didn't go back.

_"Sexy beast? Buttsex? Raping of the Gluteus Maximus?" _Bessie groaned from inside Cassie's head. _"Really Cassandra? Can't you just follow my orders for once? Please?"_

Cassie stomped her feet childishly, "DAMMIT! I thought you were gone!"

_"Why would you think that I was gone?"_

"Well, the author of this fan fiction about you and me and the Death Note characters didn't include you last chapter. I thought she forgot about your existence.

_"We're in a fan fiction?"_

"...Duh."

_"What an unexpected twist!"_

"Quite. Now, continue with your screaming at me so I can get back to the plot. The quicker this is all over with, the better!"

_"You can't like Kira."_

"So, you're saying I can't have my own opinions? Um, hello, anti-feminism."

_"OC's just can't like Kira, Cassandra. It's not allowed." _Bessie explained with a sigh.

"Well, if I'm going to be in a love triangle with both L and Light, I'm going to betray one of them with my views, right? Plus, I'll have it easier trying to win Light's heart if I'm pro-kira. I doubt L will care much who's side I'm on." Cassie explained.

_"Oh, you'll have no trouble winning Light's heart. I changed him."_

"You mean you made him out of character?"

_"N- yeah, totally." _Bessie admited sheepishly. It's not her fault! Goffik Light is too sexy to resist! He's so emotional and angsty and SEXY! Did she mention he's sexy? She did? Well, she's going to say it again. Emo Light Yagami is totally orgasmic.

Cassie gasped, "HOW COULD YOU?"

_"Pretty easily, actually."_

"You're a monster..." Cassandra whispered.

_"Eh, at least I'm prettier then you," _Cassie scoffed. Keep dreaming there, hun. _"I gots to go, hoe. Get your line right this time or your giving panda man a blow job." _

That was probably the most frightening threat Cassandra will ever receive.

"What do you think of Kira, Cassie?"

"I think Kira is the worst thing that could ever happen to this world. What gives him the right to pass judgement on us? He's just some childish dickhead who thinks that he can play god. Well, he's got another thing coming because together," Cassie knocked over her chair as she suddenly stood up, pumping her fists. "We can defeat Kira!"

Matt - forever the optimist - stood up as well, "Yeah!"

The two could hear the sound of Ukita's truck sputtering to life the whole way from their third floor apartment. He had just left the table and they hadn't even noticed.

"Matt, are you serious about stopping Kira?"

Matt nodded, "Totally!"

"Then we have to stow away in the back of Ukita's truck."

"Why?"

"Because... Ukita is working on the Kira Case!"

"WOAH!" Matt shouted, "Seriously?"

"No, I'm totally joking, let's go make out on the couch!" Cassandra said with a roll of her eyes.

"Seriously?" Matt grinned.

"NO YOU IDIOT!" Cassie thumped him on the head before wrapping her thin fingers around his wrist and pulling him towards the door. "We gotta hurry now before he leaves!"

"Kira's gonna wish he never messed with us."

**Random ending! Does that qualify as a cliffy? No? Well, damn. Eh, whatever.**

**Random question of the second/minute/day/week/month/year/decade or century!(:**

**This question was inspired by my new friend HarryPotterMangaGleek!**

**Name your top 3 favorite Death Note characters, huns. I'm curious!**

**Mine are...**

**1. Mello ( He's my husband... seriously. )**

**2. L**

**3. UKITA!(; ( Join the Ukita Fan Club? )**

**Later Gators~**


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